I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
