i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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