a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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