Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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