i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
