Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
