So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
