Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
