Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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