when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
