Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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