He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
