Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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