I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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