dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
