I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
