I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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