Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We are two peas in an std pod
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
