is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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