I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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