I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was like eating out sand paper
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
