We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
