I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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