Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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