Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
