Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My feet surprised me
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