My room smells like vodka and shame
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
