Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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