i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
