You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
