i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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