I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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