Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
