Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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