eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
