listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
