i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
