New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
NoShamevember. You game?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
