This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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