Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
