I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
