I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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