In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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