My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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