We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
