i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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