is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
