my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
