How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
