This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Two words: blizzard sex
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
