this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
