Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
